10 ways to get over him
1. Take yourself out to dinner and buy two bottles of fancy wine, then down them in gulps while you wait for the appetizers to arrive. Order the most expensive entrees; try something new-duck slathered in plum sauce, leg of lamb with fresh parsley on the side. Then smile at all the other patrons as they watch you enjoy that slice of thick, luscious chocolate cake like you used to enjoy his mouth.
2. Don’t send him any drunk texts you’d regret. Text him sober and impress him with your knowledge of legal jargon; tell him he has 24 hours to get out of your apartment before you throw his laptop out the window.
3. Leave voicemails on his machine in which all he can hear is the sound of you breathing, soft, hushed, until he has to count the seconds between pauses. Make it ten minutes long, so he has to wait until the very end of the message just to find out you never said a damn word.
4. Go outside in the middle of a lightning storm and take all your clothes off; wait for the rain to drench you and turn your face up to it, open your mouth and let it all in. Dance out there in the rain, as the lightning pulses across the sky like a heartbeat, and let all the water wash away his taste from your mouth, his hands from your body. Let them fade into the past like mistakes erased from an exam.
5. Write every single nasty thing you’ve ever wanted to say to him since the breakup on a tiny scrap of paper and shove it into a glass bottle, then throw it out to sea where it will bob over the waves for months, perhaps even years. Let your words slowly float in the middle of the wide open sea until the bottle crashes into a cluster of sharp rocks, cracks open, and your words sink to the bottom of the ocean, where they swiftly drown.
6. Go shopping, by yourself, and buy two of the hottest little black dresses you can find. Actually, buy a third one too, and make it bright red. And get a pair of heels to match. After all, who knows when they might come in handy?
7. Rip up all his mixtapes, tear them into pieces like confetti and flush them down the toilet. Make yourself a new mixtape instead, this time a revenge one. Dance to it at night when the tenants below you are asleep; let every shake of your hips be another reason why he should have stayed.
8. Realize that in a loving relationship, the boyfriend should never have a spare girlfriend for the first. Understand that you were the spare girlfriend, and that you have every right to remove someone toxic from your life.
9. Go on a roadtrip to Ohio or Washington and climb a mountain; stand at the very pinnacle and shout his name at the top of your lungs, until the wind carries it away.
10. For every photo he posts of his new girlfriend on his Facebook page, post one of your own-you, standing there smiling in your new red dress. Don’t get a fake boyfriend to pose with or hold hands with; the only person in that photo should be you. Show him you’re happier single than you ever were together.
but I’ve got you to keep me warm
If you’re broken I will mend you and I’ll keep you sheltered from the storm that’s raging on now
I’m out of touch, I’m out of love
I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down
And out of all these things I’ve done
I think I love you better now
I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind
I’ll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now”
letter to my future daughter when she wants to kill herself
Someday I hope you’ll remove all the butterflies from your stomach
and count them up one by one, then place them in a manila envelope
to keep for all the times you need to feel something;
then you can let them free again. I wish you knew that loneliness
is a hell of a lot like soft-serve ice cream: it can be soothing
when you get it in small doses, but when you take too large
of a serving, you’ll end up making yourself sick.
Sometimes your body feels like a sunrise that hasn’t started
making its way out of the sky yet, but I promise you
that every ray of sun has to start somewhere,
even buried in the ground with the dirt and the insects,
so deep someone has to dig it out.
But someday someone is going to buy 20,000 shovels
and every single one is gonna be for you,
and they’ll bring every ray of sun, every cloud, to the surface again.
Honey, God himself probably bragged to the angels
when he created you, and even Satan
would want you to remain on Earth
so he could watch you from above and admire your beauty.
I know your heart feels so heavy sometimes that it’s
weighing down your throat like all those stones
in Virginia Woolf’s pockets, but that’s just the heaviness
of a heart that knows how to love
pretty damn much better than anybody else.
If there were a crash course in learning how to not hate yourself
at school, I’d want you to have the best teacher
in the entire world. Every time you take another pill
is another second you could have for getting better.
Every step you take to the top of the rooftop
is another step you could have taken
to get yourself back down.
And I know this self-hatred is luggage over the carrying capacity
at the airport, but someday you’ll learn how to remove
all the items you don’t need from its suitcases,
and stop breaking your back with its load.
There’s a reason God made humans with hands.
It’s so that every time they fall,
they can drag themselves back up again.